Monday 02/14/11 6:30am

I didn’t write yesterday because I was a bit frustrated with my legs filling up with fluid again. But I figured out a way for me to recline on my chair with pillows under my legs and feet so they were higher than my heart. That seemed to help because I have minimal swelling this morning. Hopefully this will last through the day.

I went all day and night without Vicoden, just Motrin. I folded some clothes, emptied and filled the dishwasher, took a shower unassisted, started the second book by Alan Alda, and watched some TV.

I also finished all the applique on my Pine Burr quilt top! Now I need to have the energy to quilt it and I should have one entry to the San Bernardino County Fair!

Yesterday I spoke with another woman over the phone who has ovarian cancer. She goes to the same chemo center I will be going to and in fact she is also going this Friday. She is on number 4 of the 6 scheduled treatments every 3 weeks. I asked her how long it took for her to feel recuperated from her surgery that she had in Nov. She said 6-8 weeks! That was so good to hear as I was wondering why I wasn’t better after 3 weeks. Now I can really relax and just let the healing happen. She said she has minimal side effects from the chemo. She walked me through the chemo process. They first give you 3 different medicines (through the porta-cath) to counter nausea, then there are 2 different chemo meds that are given in IV bags. One of the bags takes about 3.5 hours to administer. The whole process takes 5-6 hours. They also give you nausea meds to take home. She said she wakes up the night of the treatment and feels nausea, takes a pill, and goes right back to sleep. For her the 3^rd day is most difficult with fatigue and nausea, but the meds help. Other than that she just feels more tired than usual. She said her hair started falling out at about the 2 week mark. She went and had it shaved off. She said she was fine until she sat in the chair and then she lost it. Everyone in the shop was crying. She bought a wig but only uses it when she goes out. Usually she wears a beanie, including at night, because she said her head gets cold. Her grandmother and mother live down the street so they have been taking care of the house and getting her twin high school students to their events as well as her other daughter who is about 10, I think. It will be comforting to have her there on Friday for moral support.

I am going to enjoy each day that is better than the one before.

On this Valentine’s Day I want to especially thank you all for your love and support. When I start to feel down, I think of all my friends and family who continue to share their love with me. I am so grateful for each and every one of you.

Hugs,

Dar

Saturday 02/12/11

I have to say that this has been the best day so far since the surgery. I think the egg salad sandwiches and meat yesterday turned a corner. The fluid in my legs has diminished greatly from last night. My feet and ankles seem to be filling up again as they do each evening, but the fluid doesn’t appear to be as bad as it has been. Shannon is making stir fry beef for dinner and I had half an egg salad sandwich and some mac & cheese for lunch. I am hoping that this swelling issue will be behind me over the next couple of days.

I even felt good enough to get out that applique project I mentioned in a previous post. I worked on it for a while and I will get back to it again after dinner.

I spoke with a woman (friend of a friend) who has been dealing with this cancer since 2009. It seems she has had a really tough time with chemo and some significant side effects. That really scared me. After finally feeling better from the surgery, to think of the potential chemo side effects is not pleasant to contemplate. But I have to remember that everyone handles chemo differently and I may have a much different experience than she had.

 Shannon downloaded a couple of Belleruth Naparstek MP3s…Fighting Cancer, and Chemotherapy. They both have guided meditation as well as affirmations. I’ll be listening to them every day. In addition, I write my own affirmations and fill at least 2 pages per day. The only thing I can do is be in this moment rather than worry about next Friday. But I have to admit it is taking focused attention to keep it going.

Thank you, Heather, for the air purifier recommendation.

And thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,

Dar   

Friday 02/10/11

Another day better than the day before. I realized that I had been so focused on eating, that I had forgot to pay attention to taking in fluid. So yesterday I make a point of drinking more. I made iced tea in the iced tea maker using Celestial Seasonings teas. It had a good effect in that my leg swelling had gone way down this morning, but it meant Shannon had to help me up three times in the night. At least he didn’t have to work today. But I was able to get out of the bed by myself this morning.

My legs swell up again during the day, which is uncomfortable but not that bad. Shannon made pork chops and rice for an early dinner. It was so good. Gotta get that Albumen level up. I cut way back on the Vicodan and I have switched to Motrin. More progress.

I finished a book today called the “Horse Whisperer” that I had started prior to the surgery. Nice to read a fun book for a change rather than always “mental” books.

I have a quilt top I started about 6 years ago. Just needs some applique so I’m gonna work on that now. Didn’t make it into my sewing room today, but perhaps tomorrow.

I’m so grateful for your listening.

Hugs,

Dar

Thursday 02/10/11

Yeah! I was able to get out of bed by myself this morning! I still had to wake Shannon up in the middle of the night to help me but progress is progress. I still have swollen legs. I’m making an effort to eat. I think all the meds I’m taking are affecting my appetite. But I know that nutrition is directly related to healing. Had a slice of peanut butter toast this morning and an egg salad sandwich for lunch. I usually start eating the sandwich around 11am and finish it by 2pm. Then I’m already thinking about what I’m going to be able to eat for dinner. Still being full from lunch doesn’t help. I have to eat early because if I wait until Shannon gets home I’m too full to go to bed at 8 or 8:30. He tells me to just stay up and wake him when I need to get the pillows arranged for my back and for my feet elevation. But I hate to have to wake him so many times.

Wes came over today and did some chores and ran errands for me. He cleaned out the cat box, took out the trash, cleaned out the dog’s water bowls outside, watered the plants, and a few other things. Then he went to the PO Box to get the mail and picked up a prescription for me. Nice to have him close by in Wrightwood to drop by every couple of days to take care of some things. Thank you so much, Beano!

In addition, he ripped the sleeve of his shirt so I had to go in and sew the seam on my machine. I had not even been inclined to do anything in there since the surgery. But just sewing that seam reminded me of how much I like sewing. I’m planning to get in there for at least an hour tomorrow and work on a block I started in Dec. I’ve had enough sitcom reruns for now.  

We still need to find homes for the 3 Chihuahuas. Please keep checking around.

We want to get an air purifier to filter the dust and pet hair. Does anyone have any recommendations?

Thank you all for your comments, support, encouragement, and love. I am so grateful for the sense of community.

Hugs,

Dar

Wednesday 02/09/11

So far this has been the best day. I can do almost everything I need to do independently except for getting out of bed. Shannon has to get up once or twice each night to help me up. I am hoping that I’ll be able to do that on my own soon. I’m looking forward to being able to sleep on my side again. Since Dec I have only been able to sleep on my back with my head raised by several pillows.

I have been working on eating more. I made egg salad and had a whole sandwich yesterday for lunch and another half for dinner. The egg whites are supposed to be one of the best sources of albumen. I’m also eating tangerines, baby oranges, pink grapefruit slices, and drinking grape, apple, pink grapefruit, and orange juices. Also adding more cheese. Between mindfully eating and the plethora of meds, my body seems to be responding in a positive way.

I’ve spend the past couple of days in my chair with pillows propped up on the foot recliner so my legs are higher than my heart, watching reruns of sitcoms, listening to meditation media, reading, and walking back and forth to the bathroom. I’m going to try to start back working in my sewing studio next week. It will be good to have another activity to add to the day.

Thank you all for your support, encouragement, and love.

Hugs,

Dar  

Tuesday 02/08/11

Yesterday Lindsay took me to the oncologist to get blood work. The porta-cath is supposed to be a much easier access to getting blood out and putting medicine in. Even with that, it took two nurses to get mine going and two sticks. It feels like what I would imagine a bee sting would feel like. Each one of these new experiences brings a sense of fear and loss of control. But I know in my head that these things are needed to keep me going. My amygdala goes into hyper drive and my limbic system takes control. It is not a good place to be. So I need to meditate more and listen to positive affirmations to push the fear laden thoughts to the back of my mind. Each improvement in my health brings me closer to feeling up to the challenges to come.

After the oncologist, we drove down to UCI for a post op checkup. The biggest issue was that my legs and feet were so swollen I could barely bend my knees and it felt like I was walking on tree trunks. Hard to get dressed independently. The doc prescribed Lasix and potassium, and to keep my legs elevated. One of the reasons for the swelling was because my Albumin level was 1.9. It is supposed to be around 4.0. That all has to do with diet. I have been careful not to eat much meat because I thought it would be harder to digest, but the doc said I need to eat more meat. (Sorry Cheryl). I also have not been eating much, partly because of not much appetite, and partially because I did not want to overload my digestive system. So last night I had half a meat and cheese burrito and then put two pillows under my knees and legs. I was amazed this morning when I woke up and felt my calves jiggling. My legs and feet are half the size they were yesterday and I haven’t even started the Lasix yet. Today I plan to spend a lot of the day with my legs elevated. Hopefully by the weekend they will be back to normal again.

I’m going to try to clean up the mail that has accumulated on the dining room table today and little by little work through the clutter that has mushroomed. One step a day.

Thank you all for keeping me in your thoughts.

Hugs, Dar

Saturday 02/05/11

It’s been a few days since I wrote. This healing business takes a lot out of a person. Last Tuesday Betty came over to Lindsay’s house and we went for a pretty long walk outside. I think I overdid myself. Had sore muscles in my legs and hips. That made getting up and down from chairs and the bed very difficult.

Lindsay went to work on Wednesday so I flew solo all day. Thursday Lindsay took me to the surgeon who inserted the porta-cath for a post op. Everything looks good. Then we went to the oncologist. I start chemo on February 18. I will be going once every 3 weeks. On the day I go I’ll be there for 5-6 hours. He anticipates 9-12 sessions. They will monitor my blood levels closely to make sure the drugs are working.

Lindsay took me home Thursday evening. It was a bit of a challenge to get situated but Shannon was home around 7:30pm. Wes came over yesterday morning and stayed the day with me. I think it was the turning point. Today my muscles didn’t hurt, I was able to eat, I can get up and down from the chair more easily. My legs, ankles, and feet are really swollen so Shannon spent hours just rubbing them. It is so calming. I don’t know what I would do without him. He has had to get up a couple of times during the night to help me up, yet he never complains or acts like it is a burden. Today he helped me move from chair to chair, with & without pillows, to find some position in which I could be comfortable.

I’m keeping up with the meds but it is getting more difficult to deal with so many on my stomach. Hopefully I can start to wean away from the pain meds. It is a balance.

Lindsay will pick me up on Monday to take me to the oncologist for blood tests and then we will be going to UCI for my post op visit from the surgery.

I’ll try to be better with this blog. There are just some days that even typing seems overwhelming. But I think I’m on the mend.

Thank you all for keeping me in your thoughts. Hugs, Dar