I’ve been reflecting on this past year and all of the changes that have come my way. I had begun to have symptoms last November and then went into the hospital in December. I was given the diagnosis of ovarian cancer on Dec 23, 2010. I had surgery on Jan 21, 2011 and started chemo in Feb 2011. My last chemo was Aug 8, 2011. I lost almost 50lbs and all of my hair. I had a PET scan in September that showed all evidence of cancer was gone. My CA-125s have all been in the 11.4 range for the past 3 months. My blood tests still show some anemia, but I feel great and have lots of energy.
Last Christmas, I was having trouble eating and breathing…I was on oxygen. This year I was bustling around, baking, sewing, and enjoying life. I’ve put some of the weight back on (especially after all that baking :)) and my hair is about an inch long now. I no longer wear my “hair hat”. When I go back to work on Jan 9, I will be sporting a new look…spiky hair. :)
I’ve been invited to be part of a band and it has been such fun to play bass again. I’m taking bass lessons as well. I’ve completed all of the interviews for my dissertation, they have been transcribed, and now I’m working on the coding. I’ve been doing some kind of sewing almost every day. My life feels full and every morning I feel anticipation and excitement at what the day will bring.
I have learned so much from the cancer teacher. To be grateful for each and every moment, for the love, support, and encouragement from my amazing friends and family, and to never take anything for granted. Although I must admit, there is fear that it could come back. This fear lurks just around my consciousness but I gently push those thoughts to the back recesses of my mind. I was told that there was only a 30% survival rate for ovarian cancer. So instead of focusing on the 70% who don’t make it, I figure I will be in that 30%. Some people have to…why not me? I took an elective class during my first couple of years at ITP called Grief, Death, and Dying. One of the assignments was to listen to a recording of a book called “One Year to Live”. The couple decided to live for one year as if it were their last. They made some remarkable discoveries. At the time of the class, I could not really appreciate the significance of this assignment. But now I try to live each day in positive intention and gratefulness. I am so much more at peace than I have been in many years. Cancer taught me a lot…but I’m glad it is gone.
I will be going back to the oncologist next Monday for my monthly blood test and port flush. I will need to do that every four to five weeks for the next several years. Eventually I am hopeful that the port can be removed…but for now it is just a minor inconvenience in the whole scheme of things. I still have the neuropathy in my feet, but again, it pales in comparison to other symptoms I have experienced over this past year.
Over the next couple of days I will be reflecting on setting my intentions for 2012. I don’t think of them as “resolutions” as much as guidelines for maintaining balance in my life. It is so easy for me to get sucked into a whirlwind of activities and forget to breathe. I am so grateful for all of you for helping me to remember to pause and take a breath.
Wishing each of you a 2012 filled with love, laughter, peace, prosperity, abundance, and health.
Hugs,
Dar
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Wednesday 12/7/11
Just a quick update. I had my blood drawn when the PA at the oncologist’s office did the port flush last Thursday. My white count is good (in the normal range) but I still have a bit of anemia. Just can’t seem to keep my hemoglobin up there. She told me to take vitamins with iron. One of my Pinkie Sistas, Stephanie (ITP), told me of some good ones but I’ll have to ask her again.
My CA-125 came back at 11.5. Yeah!
It is a constant nagging worry that I keep tucked at the back of my mind about that number. I have had two friends now, have their numbers jump into the critical range after having had chemo and going for a period of time with low numbers. But I also know others who have had the low numbers for over a decade. Still the fear continues to lurk in the corners of my daily life.
I still really love my job. There is just not enough time to get to all of the students who need the help. But I work my way through the pile of call slips each day. Maybe someday I’ll find the bottom!
On the dissertation front, I have finished the sixth interview. I have several packets still out and if they come in, great…it will just give me more data. But I have the minimum I need for my study. I have to transcribe that last one and then over winter break I’ll be working on writing the final chapters of the dissertation.
The band is coming along nicely. We have had three rehearsals. The music and harmonies are already coming together. The next bass lesson is tomorrow. Shonna liked the idea of learning to play the bass lines on a keyboard rather than the bass guitar so our teacher will be showing both. Pretty cool that we have such a versatile teacher.
I still have lots of quilt tops to quilt. Four of them are Christmas presents so those are the ones I’ll concentrate on first. Once I get going on them, it won’t take long to get them quilted. And then there is the binding…
So all and all things are really good in my life. I have an amazing family and super friends. I am doing my best to maintain balance between family, friends, work, and hobbies. It is great when they can be combined.
Hugs to you all, and thank you for keeping me in your thoughts.
Dar
My CA-125 came back at 11.5. Yeah!
It is a constant nagging worry that I keep tucked at the back of my mind about that number. I have had two friends now, have their numbers jump into the critical range after having had chemo and going for a period of time with low numbers. But I also know others who have had the low numbers for over a decade. Still the fear continues to lurk in the corners of my daily life.
I still really love my job. There is just not enough time to get to all of the students who need the help. But I work my way through the pile of call slips each day. Maybe someday I’ll find the bottom!
On the dissertation front, I have finished the sixth interview. I have several packets still out and if they come in, great…it will just give me more data. But I have the minimum I need for my study. I have to transcribe that last one and then over winter break I’ll be working on writing the final chapters of the dissertation.
The band is coming along nicely. We have had three rehearsals. The music and harmonies are already coming together. The next bass lesson is tomorrow. Shonna liked the idea of learning to play the bass lines on a keyboard rather than the bass guitar so our teacher will be showing both. Pretty cool that we have such a versatile teacher.
I still have lots of quilt tops to quilt. Four of them are Christmas presents so those are the ones I’ll concentrate on first. Once I get going on them, it won’t take long to get them quilted. And then there is the binding…
So all and all things are really good in my life. I have an amazing family and super friends. I am doing my best to maintain balance between family, friends, work, and hobbies. It is great when they can be combined.
Hugs to you all, and thank you for keeping me in your thoughts.
Dar
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Wednesday 11/9/11
I know I haven’t written for a while so I thought I would update the blog.
I had my blood work done last Thursday and all of my levels are normal again. My CA125 was 11.7! I still have the neuropathy in my feet. It is difficult to walk barefoot as there are so many places on the bottom of my feet that I still cannot feel. And if I’m on my feet too much they start to throb. But this is such a minor issue in the whole scheme of things.
Otherwise, I have been feeling great and so many wonderful opportunities have been arriving.
I absolutely LOVE my new job as counselor for a middle school. Every morning I look forward to what the day will bring. I never have to do any discipline with the students. Years ago I developed my own personal mission statement of what I felt was my main purpose in life. “To motivate and inspire others to reach their highest potential”. I get to live that mission each and every day now. I come home with a full heart every night. I am doing what I was meant to do.
One of the teachers at my school is in a band and when she heard that I used to play music professionally, she asked me to join her band. Such an exciting opportunity! Again, I don’t have to do any of the stuff I didn’t like before, like booking the band, dealing with the club owners, or having to “talk” with band members. I get to just show up, sing, and play bass. And that leads me to another awesome journey. I met an incredible bass player and asked her if she would consider teaching. She agreed and I have my first real bass lesson this Thursday night. I’m so excited! I had played bass for years but never had a lesson. Now I will be able to play and really know the instrument. Great stuff!
The new band is coming over to the ShanDar Saloon on Saturday evening to jam and just get to know each other. I’m really looking forward to that.
I have thirteen quilt tops waiting to be quilted. Guess I’d better stop piecing and get to quilting. Some of them are Christmas presents, so I’d better get going! :)
I have only one more interview to do and then I am done with that phase of my dissertation. I’m currently transcribing the interviews I have done and when that is completed I can focus on the coding and then writing the final two chapters. I can see the light at the end of the Ph.D. tunnel! I plan to spend most of the 3 week Winter Break, completing the first draft so I can get it to my committee by mid-January. I seem to be running the course for that goal.
I still want to work on eating healthier, exercising, and a regular meditation practice. I start and stop with these. It seems so easy to slip back into old habits that are not conducive to health. Even if I can do one of these things each day, I will be doing myself a favor.
One of the many lessons I learned from having had cancer is to be mindful of each commitment I make. My intention is to limit activities that do not bring me joy. And also to keep my commitments manageable. It is so easy for me to over commit to too many activities. Right now I have the Ph.D., quilting, singing, and relearning to play bass. I am not adding anything else to this list for now. When the Ph.D. is completed, I can replace that with something else if I choose. As tempting as it is to volunteer for a position at my quilt guild or at my school site, I am being very mindful of keeping my hand down. My mentor, who is now also the chair of my Ph.D. committee, passed on some sage advice. Whenever faced with a decision, the question to ask is “what do I love and what do I love more?” I think of that lesson each and every day. It seems to be an essential question for me.
That is all for now. I’ll try to update this blog every couple of weeks.
Big hugs to each and every one of you!
Dar
I had my blood work done last Thursday and all of my levels are normal again. My CA125 was 11.7! I still have the neuropathy in my feet. It is difficult to walk barefoot as there are so many places on the bottom of my feet that I still cannot feel. And if I’m on my feet too much they start to throb. But this is such a minor issue in the whole scheme of things.
Otherwise, I have been feeling great and so many wonderful opportunities have been arriving.
I absolutely LOVE my new job as counselor for a middle school. Every morning I look forward to what the day will bring. I never have to do any discipline with the students. Years ago I developed my own personal mission statement of what I felt was my main purpose in life. “To motivate and inspire others to reach their highest potential”. I get to live that mission each and every day now. I come home with a full heart every night. I am doing what I was meant to do.
One of the teachers at my school is in a band and when she heard that I used to play music professionally, she asked me to join her band. Such an exciting opportunity! Again, I don’t have to do any of the stuff I didn’t like before, like booking the band, dealing with the club owners, or having to “talk” with band members. I get to just show up, sing, and play bass. And that leads me to another awesome journey. I met an incredible bass player and asked her if she would consider teaching. She agreed and I have my first real bass lesson this Thursday night. I’m so excited! I had played bass for years but never had a lesson. Now I will be able to play and really know the instrument. Great stuff!
The new band is coming over to the ShanDar Saloon on Saturday evening to jam and just get to know each other. I’m really looking forward to that.
I have thirteen quilt tops waiting to be quilted. Guess I’d better stop piecing and get to quilting. Some of them are Christmas presents, so I’d better get going! :)
I have only one more interview to do and then I am done with that phase of my dissertation. I’m currently transcribing the interviews I have done and when that is completed I can focus on the coding and then writing the final two chapters. I can see the light at the end of the Ph.D. tunnel! I plan to spend most of the 3 week Winter Break, completing the first draft so I can get it to my committee by mid-January. I seem to be running the course for that goal.
I still want to work on eating healthier, exercising, and a regular meditation practice. I start and stop with these. It seems so easy to slip back into old habits that are not conducive to health. Even if I can do one of these things each day, I will be doing myself a favor.
One of the many lessons I learned from having had cancer is to be mindful of each commitment I make. My intention is to limit activities that do not bring me joy. And also to keep my commitments manageable. It is so easy for me to over commit to too many activities. Right now I have the Ph.D., quilting, singing, and relearning to play bass. I am not adding anything else to this list for now. When the Ph.D. is completed, I can replace that with something else if I choose. As tempting as it is to volunteer for a position at my quilt guild or at my school site, I am being very mindful of keeping my hand down. My mentor, who is now also the chair of my Ph.D. committee, passed on some sage advice. Whenever faced with a decision, the question to ask is “what do I love and what do I love more?” I think of that lesson each and every day. It seems to be an essential question for me.
That is all for now. I’ll try to update this blog every couple of weeks.
Big hugs to each and every one of you!
Dar
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday 09/26/11
Today is a very good day! Went to the oncologist’s office and got the results from the PET scan. I am completely cancer free!!! No more chemo!!! I’ll have to have my blood checked every couple of months and I’ll have to get the porta cath flushed every month. But that is such a minor thing. I go to see the surgeon next Monday for a follow-up appointment. I just have to keep up the healthy eating, meditation, and begin some kind of exercise. My feet and toes are still numb but I can start by doing some floor work. I’d like to start Yoga or Tai Chi but first I need to build up muscle strength. Small steps. A new gallstone was found on the scan and I have had three episodes of those symptoms. I’m going to check with the UCI surgeon on Monday to see if there are other treatments besides surgery. But if I have to have it out, it is an outpatient procedure and I can have it done over one of the holiday breaks.
I absolutely love my new job. Every day is something new. I look forward to going to work with lots of positive anticipation. I know this is the work I was meant to do.
On the dissertation front…I have one participant ready to interview. I should be able to get that accomplished this week. I gave out five more parental consents yesterday and I’ll probably give out another five today. My study calls for six to ten so I will definitely meet that criteria. I’m hoping to get all or at least most of the interviews done by the end of next week so I can start the writing process the following week when we are off for fall break. I already have two interviews recorded, transcribed, and the initial coding done. I’m so excited to see things rolling along.
So all and all, things are definitely on an upswing. It has been almost a year since I began to notice symptoms related to the CA. Now I’ll be looking forward to completing the dissertation and graduation, becoming much more knowledgeable in my job, and honoring my body, mind, and spirit. Of course my circles of friends and family will continue to be huge pieces of my life.
I send deep gratitude to each and every one of you who have been a part of my healing. I know it took a village to make this happen.
Hugs and lots of love to you all!
Dar
I absolutely love my new job. Every day is something new. I look forward to going to work with lots of positive anticipation. I know this is the work I was meant to do.
On the dissertation front…I have one participant ready to interview. I should be able to get that accomplished this week. I gave out five more parental consents yesterday and I’ll probably give out another five today. My study calls for six to ten so I will definitely meet that criteria. I’m hoping to get all or at least most of the interviews done by the end of next week so I can start the writing process the following week when we are off for fall break. I already have two interviews recorded, transcribed, and the initial coding done. I’m so excited to see things rolling along.
So all and all, things are definitely on an upswing. It has been almost a year since I began to notice symptoms related to the CA. Now I’ll be looking forward to completing the dissertation and graduation, becoming much more knowledgeable in my job, and honoring my body, mind, and spirit. Of course my circles of friends and family will continue to be huge pieces of my life.
I send deep gratitude to each and every one of you who have been a part of my healing. I know it took a village to make this happen.
Hugs and lots of love to you all!
Dar
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Sunday September 18, 2011
We went to the Hesperia Eagles last night for dinner and karaoke last night. Cristy, Mike, Betty, and Lindsay joined us for the fun. Sure was surprised to see Mike B. as the KJ!
Taylor marched in the Hesperia Day Parade in the morning. She was the only girl with a rifle! She was stylin’ in her ROTC uniform. Lindsay and I walked the parade route with her. That is the longest walk I’ve had in a long time. It sure will be nice when I can feel the bottoms of my feet and my toes!
After the parade, I had the PET scan done. I have an appointment with the oncologist a week from tomorrow to get the results. Hopefully I can then put most of this experience in the past. I will still have to go in once a month to have the port flushed and to check my blood. I thought that I would have the port taken out next summer, but Lindsay suggested I keep it in for at least a couple of years. The surgery for getting it was more extensive than what most people experience, and she is concerned that it might be even more difficult if I have to have it done again. She has been spot on so far…I will follow her advice.
Today I plan to spend most of the day in my sewing studio. I have lots of projects to keep me busy…not to mention laundry…housework…yard work…But I feel great and have lots of energy and for that I am very grateful.
Tomorrow starts week three of my new job and week two of flying solo. It is great to look forward to going to work!
Hugs to you all!
Dar
Taylor marched in the Hesperia Day Parade in the morning. She was the only girl with a rifle! She was stylin’ in her ROTC uniform. Lindsay and I walked the parade route with her. That is the longest walk I’ve had in a long time. It sure will be nice when I can feel the bottoms of my feet and my toes!
After the parade, I had the PET scan done. I have an appointment with the oncologist a week from tomorrow to get the results. Hopefully I can then put most of this experience in the past. I will still have to go in once a month to have the port flushed and to check my blood. I thought that I would have the port taken out next summer, but Lindsay suggested I keep it in for at least a couple of years. The surgery for getting it was more extensive than what most people experience, and she is concerned that it might be even more difficult if I have to have it done again. She has been spot on so far…I will follow her advice.
Today I plan to spend most of the day in my sewing studio. I have lots of projects to keep me busy…not to mention laundry…housework…yard work…But I feel great and have lots of energy and for that I am very grateful.
Tomorrow starts week three of my new job and week two of flying solo. It is great to look forward to going to work!
Hugs to you all!
Dar
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Wednesday 9/14/11
I haven’t updated for a while because I’ve been waiting for lab results. I went last Thursday for blood work. My hemoglobin is still down at 8.8 (normal is 12 – 18) and my white blood count is 2.9 (normal 4.5-6.5). The PA suggested I take vitamins to help bring those numbers up. I feel really good, though.
I started my new job as the Counselor at the middle school last Tuesday. I worked with the gal who has been in the job for the past 8 years over those 4 days. Monday was my first day flying solo. I just LOVE my job. Yesterday I had a meeting that included middle school counselors from all over the high desert to share ideas and talk about programs at their school sites. It is a great way to share resources and find out what is happening in the school counseling world. Today and tomorrow I have training all day. Did I mention that I just LOVE my new job!!!! I still have a LOT to learn, but I am enjoying the adventure of finding my way.
More good news!!!! Yesterday the oncologist’s office called and my CA-125 is down to 11.4!!! That is the lowest it has ever been. Now I just have to get the PET scan. I’ll be calling today to get that scheduled.
I am starting to get peach fuzz on my scalp. I’m guessing it will be 6 – 12 months before I can ditch the wig, but at least I’m seeing some progress. Now if only I could feel the bottoms of my feet and my middle toes… But that will happen with time also.
So all and all things are going really well. I’m very happy and my stress level is very low. I’m eating healthier, meditating, and feeling stronger every day.
Thank you all for your encouragement, support and love. It has made all the difference!
Hugs,
Dar
I started my new job as the Counselor at the middle school last Tuesday. I worked with the gal who has been in the job for the past 8 years over those 4 days. Monday was my first day flying solo. I just LOVE my job. Yesterday I had a meeting that included middle school counselors from all over the high desert to share ideas and talk about programs at their school sites. It is a great way to share resources and find out what is happening in the school counseling world. Today and tomorrow I have training all day. Did I mention that I just LOVE my new job!!!! I still have a LOT to learn, but I am enjoying the adventure of finding my way.
More good news!!!! Yesterday the oncologist’s office called and my CA-125 is down to 11.4!!! That is the lowest it has ever been. Now I just have to get the PET scan. I’ll be calling today to get that scheduled.
I am starting to get peach fuzz on my scalp. I’m guessing it will be 6 – 12 months before I can ditch the wig, but at least I’m seeing some progress. Now if only I could feel the bottoms of my feet and my middle toes… But that will happen with time also.
So all and all things are going really well. I’m very happy and my stress level is very low. I’m eating healthier, meditating, and feeling stronger every day.
Thank you all for your encouragement, support and love. It has made all the difference!
Hugs,
Dar
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Tuesday 08/30/11
I’m still waiting for the call to schedule the PET scan. I spoke with a gal in the oncologist’s office yesterday and she said I should hear from the imaging place by the end of the week. I’m scheduled to have my porta cath flushed on Sept 8. . I’m guessing they will do blood tests that day also. I will have to go every 4-6 weeks to have that done so the port does not clot up. If all goes well, I should be able to have that removed next summer.
The only symptom I still have is the neuropathy in my feet. It is a difficult feeling to explain but the bottoms of my feet and my toes are mostly numb, however they also hurt when I walk on them. The oncologist said that might go away in weeks, months, or up to a year.
Big news is that I accepted a position as the Guidance Counselor at one of the middle schools in my district. I am waiting for HR to find a replacement for me in the classroom and then I’m off to my new career. I obtained my M.S. in School Counseling in 2000 and had intended that to be my ultimate job. But due to budget cuts, these positions are few and far between. So I will be out of the classroom, finally! I’m so looking forward to this new adventure! Lindsay went clothes shopping with me last week and I now have a completely new work wardrobe. Then we went looking for shoes and I ended up with four pair of work shoes. I usually HATE to shop for clothes and shoes, however this time I found lots of things I liked and that fit well. Huge thanks, once again, to Lindsay! She is such a blessing in so many ways.
That’s about all for now. I’ll update when I hear from the imaging center.
Hugs,
Dar
The only symptom I still have is the neuropathy in my feet. It is a difficult feeling to explain but the bottoms of my feet and my toes are mostly numb, however they also hurt when I walk on them. The oncologist said that might go away in weeks, months, or up to a year.
Big news is that I accepted a position as the Guidance Counselor at one of the middle schools in my district. I am waiting for HR to find a replacement for me in the classroom and then I’m off to my new career. I obtained my M.S. in School Counseling in 2000 and had intended that to be my ultimate job. But due to budget cuts, these positions are few and far between. So I will be out of the classroom, finally! I’m so looking forward to this new adventure! Lindsay went clothes shopping with me last week and I now have a completely new work wardrobe. Then we went looking for shoes and I ended up with four pair of work shoes. I usually HATE to shop for clothes and shoes, however this time I found lots of things I liked and that fit well. Huge thanks, once again, to Lindsay! She is such a blessing in so many ways.
That’s about all for now. I’ll update when I hear from the imaging center.
Hugs,
Dar
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