Thursday December 28, 2011

I’ve been reflecting on this past year and all of the changes that have come my way. I had begun to have symptoms last November and then went into the hospital in December. I was given the diagnosis of ovarian cancer on Dec 23, 2010. I had surgery on Jan 21, 2011 and started chemo in Feb 2011. My last chemo was Aug 8, 2011. I lost almost 50lbs and all of my hair. I had a PET scan in September that showed all evidence of cancer was gone. My CA-125s have all been in the 11.4 range for the past 3 months. My blood tests still show some anemia, but I feel great and have lots of energy.

Last Christmas, I was having trouble eating and breathing…I was on oxygen. This year I was bustling around, baking, sewing, and enjoying life. I’ve put some of the weight back on (especially after all that baking :)) and my hair is about an inch long now. I no longer wear my “hair hat”. When I go back to work on Jan 9, I will be sporting a new look…spiky hair. :)

I’ve been invited to be part of a band and it has been such fun to play bass again. I’m taking bass lessons as well. I’ve completed all of the interviews for my dissertation, they have been transcribed, and now I’m working on the coding. I’ve been doing some kind of sewing almost every day. My life feels full and every morning I feel anticipation and excitement at what the day will bring.

I have learned so much from the cancer teacher. To be grateful for each and every moment, for the love, support, and encouragement from my amazing friends and family, and to never take anything for granted. Although I must admit, there is fear that it could come back. This fear lurks just around my consciousness but I gently push those thoughts to the back recesses of my mind. I was told that there was only a 30% survival rate for ovarian cancer. So instead of focusing on the 70% who don’t make it, I figure I will be in that 30%. Some people have to…why not me? I took an elective class during my first couple of years at ITP called Grief, Death, and Dying. One of the assignments was to listen to a recording of a book called “One Year to Live”. The couple decided to live for one year as if it were their last. They made some remarkable discoveries. At the time of the class, I could not really appreciate the significance of this assignment. But now I try to live each day in positive intention and gratefulness. I am so much more at peace than I have been in many years. Cancer taught me a lot…but I’m glad it is gone.

I will be going back to the oncologist next Monday for my monthly blood test and port flush. I will need to do that every four to five weeks for the next several years. Eventually I am hopeful that the port can be removed…but for now it is just a minor inconvenience in the whole scheme of things. I still have the neuropathy in my feet, but again, it pales in comparison to other symptoms I have experienced over this past year.

Over the next couple of days I will be reflecting on setting my intentions for 2012. I don’t think of them as “resolutions” as much as guidelines for maintaining balance in my life. It is so easy for me to get sucked into a whirlwind of activities and forget to breathe. I am so grateful for all of you for helping me to remember to pause and take a breath.

Wishing each of you a 2012 filled with love, laughter, peace, prosperity, abundance, and health.
Hugs,
Dar

Wednesday 12/7/11

Just a quick update. I had my blood drawn when the PA at the oncologist’s office did the port flush last Thursday. My white count is good (in the normal range) but I still have a bit of anemia. Just can’t seem to keep my hemoglobin up there. She told me to take vitamins with iron. One of my Pinkie Sistas, Stephanie (ITP), told me of some good ones but I’ll have to ask her again.

My CA-125 came back at 11.5. Yeah!

It is a constant nagging worry that I keep tucked at the back of my mind about that number. I have had two friends now, have their numbers jump into the critical range after having had chemo and going for a period of time with low numbers. But I also know others who have had the low numbers for over a decade. Still the fear continues to lurk in the corners of my daily life.

I still really love my job. There is just not enough time to get to all of the students who need the help. But I work my way through the pile of call slips each day. Maybe someday I’ll find the bottom!

On the dissertation front, I have finished the sixth interview. I have several packets still out and if they come in, great…it will just give me more data. But I have the minimum I need for my study. I have to transcribe that last one and then over winter break I’ll be working on writing the final chapters of the dissertation.

The band is coming along nicely. We have had three rehearsals. The music and harmonies are already coming together. The next bass lesson is tomorrow. Shonna liked the idea of learning to play the bass lines on a keyboard rather than the bass guitar so our teacher will be showing both. Pretty cool that we have such a versatile teacher.

I still have lots of quilt tops to quilt. Four of them are Christmas presents so those are the ones I’ll concentrate on first. Once I get going on them, it won’t take long to get them quilted. And then there is the binding…

So all and all things are really good in my life. I have an amazing family and super friends. I am doing my best to maintain balance between family, friends, work, and hobbies. It is great when they can be combined.

Hugs to you all, and thank you for keeping me in your thoughts.

Dar