Tuesday 06/28/11

I had chemo this past Friday. It was uneventful. I spent the whole time going over the professional editing corrections on a paper that may be published. There were three of us who contributed to the paper that compared the moral development of children in the West to that of the children of the Inuit community. Sure would be great to get it published. 

Saturday Shannon and I went on the last of the quilt run. We started in Chula Vista and then made our way up through San Diego visiting twelve shops. I got my I DID IT bar that will go on my quilt run pin. It is the second time since I started doing the quilt run (in 2006) that I went to all of the shops. Betty and I did the Orange County part, Cristy and I did the San Bernardino/Riverside part, and Shannon and I did the LA and San Diego parts.

On Sunday we ran errands and by the time we came home I was pretty tired. I slept pretty much all day yesterday. Almost no pain this time, just feel really tired. My hemoglobin was down to 9.2 on Friday so I got a shot of Procrit to help me make more red blood cells. I go this Friday to have my blood drawn and if my hemoglobin is still down, I’ll probably have to have a blood transfusion. Hopefully over the next couple of days those cells will rebound and I can avoid the transfusion.

Lindsay and Wes took our old living room furniture to the dump this morning. One more dump run and I think we will have all the junk gone from the yard. Little by little we are getting things done around the house. Lindsay is going to stay and hang out with me today and Wes is going down to the VA to get his badge so he can start working. He should get a start date today. He is so excited to be going back to work.

I’m hoping to have my energy back over the next couple of days so I can get back into my sewing studio. I have lots to organize after the quilt run and I want to start completing some projects that are in various stages. Right now, though, I will be staying close to my chair and resting. I’ll write on Friday after I get my blood results.
Hugs,
Dar

Monday 06/18/11

I have been feeling really good this past week. No pain and the fatigue is not so bad. It has been so nice to feel good. Since having had this health experience over the past 8 months, I really appreciate each and every day that I feel good. I never take it for granted anymore. I notice that it is easier and easier to recognize what is really important and what things I can let go.

I’m finding that so many things I thought were important such as over committing myself to different projects, deadlines, and overly high expectations of what I “should” be doing, or “should” have accomplished, are really unnecessary when considering the whole scheme of being. Now that I look back over all of the stress I put myself through to attempt to meet my own unrealistic expectations and those expectations I imagined others’ expecting of me, I find an inner chagrined smile. It was all a losing and futile game. I now have only two goals. One is to be completely healthy and the other is to finish my Ph.D. program. I plan to curtail all other activities to meet those goals. Over the summer I plan to spend time playing with quilting projects, enjoy time with friends and family, and healing. Starting in August, the focus will be on my research study and writing the dissertation. I have been released by my doctor to go back to work when school resumes on August 17. But I will be going back to work with a completely different perspective. I will be mindfully practicing letting go of expectations and outcomes at work. Hopefully that will allow me to concentrate and focus my energy on my research and continued healing to complete my two goals.

I plan to enjoy each and every day this week feeling good. I have chemo on Friday so next week I will deal with the side effects of the treatment. But today is a good day and I plan to be productive while honoring my body’s need for rest.

I know that much of my healing is a result of all of your positive thoughts and prayers. Thank you all!
Hugs,
Dar

Monday 06/13/11

I just returned from the surgeon’s office at UCI. He said everything is looking great and that he wants me to have a PET scan after 6 treatments of the Taxol. I have had three already so that would make the last one the first week of August. If my scan comes back clean, I should be done with chemo. If not then I’d still need another couple of treatments. It would be so nice to not have to do chemo after I start back to work. But I’ll just have to wait and see.

Tomorrow I’m going with Shannon to work so he can introduce me to his coworkers and his boss. He’s also going to show me around the VA campus. He took half the day off so we will get lunch at Fat Burger (a place they usually go to on Tuesdays) and then we will head home. I have my quilt guild meeting tomorrow night. So it will be a busy day and evening filled with fun stuff to do.
Hugs to all!
Dar

Sunday 06/12/11

I felt much better on Friday. Went to the oncologist’s office and my latest CA-125 is 16!!! Glad to see that number continue to drop. On Saturday Shannon and I ran errands and then came home and rested. I stopped fighting against taking the pain meds and just took them. I hate taking them but when I do the abdominal pain is so much more tolerable.

Lindsay is coming over tomorrow morning to take me to my final post-op visit to UCI. That appointment is at 12:30.

I sure am glad the week after chemo is over. The next two weeks I hope to get some projects completed.

Thank you all for keeping me in your thoughts.
Hugs,
Dar

Wednesday 06/08/11

I’m feeling much better today. Monday and Tuesday were days to just sit and not move around too much. Lindsay and Wes come over on Monday and Shannon stayed home yesterday to be with me. It really helps having company during the few days after chemo. That seems to be the only time I get depressed and sad. I think it is because I see so many things I want to do but I just do not have the energy to even think about doing them. As long as I can make progress on something…a quilting project…my Ph.D. research…trying out a new recipe…laundry…housekeeping, one room at a time…It keeps my momentum going and I feel productive…I have a purpose. Stuck in my chair, no energy, pain, and, overwhelming fatigue, make for very long days, especially when I am alone.

Thankfully, I think the hardest is over this go round. I have some energy and I can plan to do some things today. I’ll still take it easy but at least I can see myself making some progress on something today. This morning I’m going to look at my Ph.D. research and this afternoon I’ll try to get into my sewing studio, if even for an hour or so. Just having those things to look forward to helps to buoy my spirits.

Hugs to all and thank you so much for your continuing thoughts and prayers.
Dar

Monday 06/06/11

I’d been feeling pretty good since last Wednesday. No pain and few symptoms. Had the 5th chemo treatment on Friday. Felt good on Saturday but then really tired yesterday. I was able to get laundry done but took some short naps in between. This morning I have some aching in my lower back and hips, and I feel a bit spacey. My tongue feels raw and I have little ability to taste food. It usually happens after chemo and eventually goes away in a few days. I am low on energy so I think I’ll be spending most of the day in my chair. Lindsay is coming over today and Wes said he would be here this morning also.

I don’t have any plans this week except going to get blood work done on Friday at the oncologist’s office. I usually keep things open the week after chemo in case I have symptoms that make it difficult to be very active. Hopefully in a day or so I’ll be able to at least get into my sewing studio and work on a project. But for today, I’ll be taking it easy.

Hugs to all,
Dar

Wednesday 06/01/11

Last week I felt pretty good. I was able to play in my quilting studio, go to my quilting friendship group, The Cut Ups, on Wednesday evening, and do the initial coding for the first participant interview of my Ph.D. program. I take lots of breaks and honor my body’s need for rest in between projects.

This past weekend was really nice. Shannon and I ran a bunch of errands on Saturday. Betty, her son Jason, Corey, Sean, and Lindsay came over on Sunday for a BBQ but it was so cold and windy we opted for oven cooked ribs and lots of side salads. Monday we went to Lowes and bought a table and chairs and some reed privacy fencing for the newly concreted small front yard. We also bought a two person swing and a cool fountain for the newly concreted side yard. If anyone needs any concrete work done, let me know. Jason did an AWESOME job!

My birthday yesterday was quiet. Lindsay came over and helped me clean out some of the kitchen cupboards. I still don’t have the flexibility to get to the bottom cupboards so Lindsay took charge (as usual ) and in no time we had those cleaned out and three of the upper cupboards. The rest I can do a little at a time. Cristy and Mike came over for a little bit and then Betty came by. Shannon stopped for pizza on the way home from work so Betty, Shannon, and I had dinner together. Martha dropped off a manila envelope with birthday cards made by the students in my class. They were fun to read.

Wes is on his way home from Long Beach this morning. He is going to put the swing and table together this afternoon. Hopefully it will warm up. Seems like spring and summer are a long time in getting here this year. I’m going to see about getting that second interview coded this morning before Wes gets here. It is a process that takes concentration, quiet, and no interruptions.

I’m feeling good right now and my next chemo treatment is this Friday. I’m usually ok the next two days after chemo but it seems that days 3, 4, and 5 are the toughest. But last time was lots easier than the time before so I’m hoping the side effects will be even less this time.

I don’t know how many of you have watched the “Ghost Whisperer” but there is an episode where Melinda’s husband, Jim, is killed and his spirit enters another man’s body. At first Jim doesn’t realize that he has a new body but several episodes later he becomes Jim but in this other body. I think about this episode when I look in the mirror now. Without my wig I see someone I don’t recognize in the mirror and with my wig it is the same thing. I know it is me inside but the person staring back at me is barely recognizable. It is certainly a disconcerting experience. Needless to say, I try to stay away from mirrors when at all possible.

A big thank you to all who sent Birthday wishes by Facebook, email, snail mail, phone texting, or in person. It really meant a lot to me.

Hugs to all,
Dar