Tuesday June 26, 2012

Hello!

I went to my surgeon yesterday for my 3 month checkup and all is well. My CA-125 from May 22 was 10.3 so everything is just right on the health front.

I attended my Ph.D. graduation on June 16 with my daughter Lindsay, son Wes, granddaughter Taylor, and husband, Shannon. I presented my paper to ITP on Friday June 15. Difficult to pare down 2 years of work and over 100 pages into a 15 min presentation, but I feel it went well. It was a whirlwind weekend that started and ended with the 7 hour drive up and back. I was so grateful for my family being there.

My last post mentioned that I had won one ribbon at the fair, but I didn’t know at that time about any others. Turns out I won two second place and two third place ribbons. So four out of the six quilts I entered, placed. I was really amazed and happy about that!

Mojave Moon is still rehearsing and getting better all the time. We have a great group and have become good friends as well as band mates. I try to practice at least three to four times a week. After this week, I’ll be able to bump that up to daily practice.

I haven’t done much sewing lately, but that will also change after this week. I want to sew, play music, read, meditate and go to the gym as my daily schedule starting next week. This is the first summer break in 6 years that I do not have any papers due or books to read. I am looking forward to concentrating on my creative, spiritual, and physical aspects for a change. Time to get out of the mental/intellectual part.

Hugs to you all!

Dr. Dar. J

Hi All!

I see it has been a few months since I last posted so I thought I’d give an update. -

On the heath front, all is well! I had my last CA-125 a week ago and it is holding steady at 10.3. I feel great, have lots of energy, and life is GOOD.

I received the following today…

Dear Darlene Packard-Mossman, Congratulations. Your submission, 10180 has cleared all of the necessary checks and will soon be delivered to ProQuest/UMI for publishing. In addition, all requirements of the ITP Dissertation Office have been fulfilled and the registrar has been notified of your completion. Regards, Institute of Transpersonal Psychology Administrator -

So I am COMPLETELY and TOTALLY FINISHED with the dissertation and I am officially Dr. Dar. I go in two weeks for graduation to put the icing on the cake. If anyone is interested in reading it, I’d be happy to email it to you. I’m sure it will be riveting and the best 118 pages you will ever enjoy! :)

I entered six quilts into the San Bernardino County Fair this year. Cristy went last weekend and found that I had received a 2nd place on one, but she could not find the other five. I’ll be going to the fair on Sunday so I’ll let you know if there are any other surprises. It has always been a feeling of such satisfaction to even enter my quilts into the fair. And to win a ribbon is such a shock every year. But it is nice to know that my quilting skills are evolving to the point that ribbons are awarded. I know I am up against some tough competition every year.

Our band, Mojave Moon, is still practicing weekly. We have a good group and it is really coming together. I am having a blast playing bass guitar again. Now that the Ph.D. is finished, I want to spend some time relearning how to read music. It has been a while but I know with some time it will come back to me. We have our first official gig at a club called Poison Ivy in Glen Ivy on July 7. Then we will be at Froggies in Apple Valley on Friday July 27th. We have a website started mojavemoonband.com so check it out for more details of upcoming events.

I am still totally in love with my job. Every day is a joy and I am grateful for each moment.

So all in all, my life is AWESOME! I just celbrated my 55th birthday yesterday. I’m looking forward to seeing what delights this next year will bring. I’ll keep you all posted.

Hugs! Dr. Dar

Thursday February 16, 2012

Hi everyone! I just wanted to enter an update. Every month I go to have my porta cath flushed, which means they inject saline solution into it to make sure it doesn’t clot. They drew blood also and yesterday I got the results that my CA-125 was 10.6!!! That is the lowest it has ever been! I see the oncologist today for my 3 month visit. Then I have my 3 month visit to the surgeon on March 5. I’m still a bit anemic with my hemoglobin at 11.1 (normal is 12-14) but I feel that I have lots of energy. In fact, Shannon gave me a pair of turtle earrings as a reminder to slow down. I still have the neuropathy in my feet but I’m taking medication that seems to help it a bit. My toes are still numb but the bottoms of my feet are better.

On the dissertation front….my mentor/Chair has the first four chapters and has completed his review of the first three with very few editing comments. I know I have a few more pieces to add to the literature review (Chapter 2) but that will be very minor. This upcoming 3 day weekend, I plan to get those first four chapters completed and off to the editor on Tuesday. Then I will work on Chapter 5. I’m hoping that by the end of March I should be able to plan the date for my defense with my whole committee. After that, there are just administrational tasks to get the dissertation published. I plan to “walk” and publically receive my Ph.D. in Psychology on June 17, 2012. It has been a long journey and such an amazing learning experience. I am really glad I did this.

Our band finally has a name! We are officially “Mojave Moon”. We have a website…Mojavemoonband.com. Of course, there isn’t much there now, but we (meaning Shannon) will eventually be adding info, pictures, and upcoming gigs. We have our first gig already planned…we are playing for the entire 8th grade student body at our middle school. That will probably be our toughest crowd. So we are rehearsing weekly to prepare for that one and then in April we should be ready to start booking. I am taking weekly bass lessons and learning so much. I played bass for many years but never fully understood the whole instrument. Now I’m learning that there is a reason for the bass having more than the first two strings! :)

I have been completing quilting projects. I finally finished Betty’s tote bag that was her Christmas present and gave it to her last weekend. I have the binding machine sewn onto Cory’s quilt…just need to do the hand sewing. I have coffee cup blocks that I started for my friendship group the “Cut Ups” so I need to get them finished before next Wednesday. I turned in a UFO (unfinished objects) list for the President’s Challenge at my quilt guild (Pine Needles Quilt Guild) with 25 projects to complete. Yikes! But once the dissertation is completed, I can get most of these projects completed by the challenge deadline of October.

I am still totally in love with my job. Every day is a new experience and I love working with the students one at a time. I never have to do discipline and I get to encourage, motivate, and inspire students each day. It is so rewarding! There is never enough time to get to all of the things I want to do though. I have intentions of setting up a career center, going into classrooms and giving social skills/career/high school A-G requirements lessons, and starting a gay/straight alliance on our campus. But I realize I will not be able to accomplish all of these things this year. We will be having Career Day on May 30 where I will be inviting people in a variety of occupations to present to the students. If there is anyone who reads this who would like to talk about their career to 7/8 grade students, please let me know. :)

I think that is all for now. I will try to update this blog monthly.
Hugs to everyone!
Dar

Sunday January 15, 2012

Happy New Year to everyone! And it is a happy new year for me. Had my CA-125 two weeks ago and it is holding steady at 11.8. Of course I started to panic as it has gone from 11.4 to 11.5 and now 11.8. But I was assured that it is well within the max of 35. Again, it is like any blood test or somatic measurement. It will fluctuate from time to time. As long as it doesn't go up significantly, I'm ok. Yay!!

I'm still anemic but not by much. 11.2 which is just under the 12 that is the low end of normal. But I have lots of energy and I feel great!

My job is AWESOME!!! I wake up each morning with excited anticipation, looking forward to what the day will bring. :)

I am busily working on my dissertation. I spent all day yesterday and I'll be at it all day today and tomorrow. I plan to have a draft of Chapter 4 winging its way through cyberspace to my chairperson by tomorrow afternoon. Then while he is looking through that, I'll be starting Chapter 5. These are the last two chapters of the paper. I'm sure I will have to edit these as they go through the various phases...chairperson...editor...committee...and final edit check, but I can see that the completion of this project is in sight. I fully plan to be flying to Palo Alto on June 16 to graduate with that Ph.D. Yipppeeee!

I am so grateful for all of the blessings in my life. I am daily grateful for what, I'm guessing, many people take for granted. I'm grateful for being able to take a shower and get out of bed without help, I'm grateful for being able to breathe and eat, and for having enough hair to use shampoo instead of bar soap. I'm grateful that I don't have to wear my hair hat anymore. I'm grateful for the adventures I can enjoy with quilting and the new version of music with playing bass again and being in a band.

Most of all I'm grateful for all of the AMAZING friends and family I have in my life. My quilting sisters, my Pinkie sisters and Jen, my band members, my coworkers within AESD, the students at my site who check in with me daily just to say hi, Cristy, my mentor Mark Brady, my Channel 7 friends from high school days, my family; Shannon, Lindsay, Wes, Taylor, Sean, Cory, Betty, Allan, Nancy, and the rest of the extended family. Wow this list sounds good for my acknowledgment page of my dissertation! :)

Thank you all for your love. Right back at 'cha. :)

Hugs,
Dar

Thursday December 28, 2011

I’ve been reflecting on this past year and all of the changes that have come my way. I had begun to have symptoms last November and then went into the hospital in December. I was given the diagnosis of ovarian cancer on Dec 23, 2010. I had surgery on Jan 21, 2011 and started chemo in Feb 2011. My last chemo was Aug 8, 2011. I lost almost 50lbs and all of my hair. I had a PET scan in September that showed all evidence of cancer was gone. My CA-125s have all been in the 11.4 range for the past 3 months. My blood tests still show some anemia, but I feel great and have lots of energy.

Last Christmas, I was having trouble eating and breathing…I was on oxygen. This year I was bustling around, baking, sewing, and enjoying life. I’ve put some of the weight back on (especially after all that baking :)) and my hair is about an inch long now. I no longer wear my “hair hat”. When I go back to work on Jan 9, I will be sporting a new look…spiky hair. :)

I’ve been invited to be part of a band and it has been such fun to play bass again. I’m taking bass lessons as well. I’ve completed all of the interviews for my dissertation, they have been transcribed, and now I’m working on the coding. I’ve been doing some kind of sewing almost every day. My life feels full and every morning I feel anticipation and excitement at what the day will bring.

I have learned so much from the cancer teacher. To be grateful for each and every moment, for the love, support, and encouragement from my amazing friends and family, and to never take anything for granted. Although I must admit, there is fear that it could come back. This fear lurks just around my consciousness but I gently push those thoughts to the back recesses of my mind. I was told that there was only a 30% survival rate for ovarian cancer. So instead of focusing on the 70% who don’t make it, I figure I will be in that 30%. Some people have to…why not me? I took an elective class during my first couple of years at ITP called Grief, Death, and Dying. One of the assignments was to listen to a recording of a book called “One Year to Live”. The couple decided to live for one year as if it were their last. They made some remarkable discoveries. At the time of the class, I could not really appreciate the significance of this assignment. But now I try to live each day in positive intention and gratefulness. I am so much more at peace than I have been in many years. Cancer taught me a lot…but I’m glad it is gone.

I will be going back to the oncologist next Monday for my monthly blood test and port flush. I will need to do that every four to five weeks for the next several years. Eventually I am hopeful that the port can be removed…but for now it is just a minor inconvenience in the whole scheme of things. I still have the neuropathy in my feet, but again, it pales in comparison to other symptoms I have experienced over this past year.

Over the next couple of days I will be reflecting on setting my intentions for 2012. I don’t think of them as “resolutions” as much as guidelines for maintaining balance in my life. It is so easy for me to get sucked into a whirlwind of activities and forget to breathe. I am so grateful for all of you for helping me to remember to pause and take a breath.

Wishing each of you a 2012 filled with love, laughter, peace, prosperity, abundance, and health.
Hugs,
Dar

Wednesday 12/7/11

Just a quick update. I had my blood drawn when the PA at the oncologist’s office did the port flush last Thursday. My white count is good (in the normal range) but I still have a bit of anemia. Just can’t seem to keep my hemoglobin up there. She told me to take vitamins with iron. One of my Pinkie Sistas, Stephanie (ITP), told me of some good ones but I’ll have to ask her again.

My CA-125 came back at 11.5. Yeah!

It is a constant nagging worry that I keep tucked at the back of my mind about that number. I have had two friends now, have their numbers jump into the critical range after having had chemo and going for a period of time with low numbers. But I also know others who have had the low numbers for over a decade. Still the fear continues to lurk in the corners of my daily life.

I still really love my job. There is just not enough time to get to all of the students who need the help. But I work my way through the pile of call slips each day. Maybe someday I’ll find the bottom!

On the dissertation front, I have finished the sixth interview. I have several packets still out and if they come in, great…it will just give me more data. But I have the minimum I need for my study. I have to transcribe that last one and then over winter break I’ll be working on writing the final chapters of the dissertation.

The band is coming along nicely. We have had three rehearsals. The music and harmonies are already coming together. The next bass lesson is tomorrow. Shonna liked the idea of learning to play the bass lines on a keyboard rather than the bass guitar so our teacher will be showing both. Pretty cool that we have such a versatile teacher.

I still have lots of quilt tops to quilt. Four of them are Christmas presents so those are the ones I’ll concentrate on first. Once I get going on them, it won’t take long to get them quilted. And then there is the binding…

So all and all things are really good in my life. I have an amazing family and super friends. I am doing my best to maintain balance between family, friends, work, and hobbies. It is great when they can be combined.

Hugs to you all, and thank you for keeping me in your thoughts.

Dar

Wednesday 11/9/11

I know I haven’t written for a while so I thought I would update the blog.
I had my blood work done last Thursday and all of my levels are normal again. My CA125 was 11.7! I still have the neuropathy in my feet. It is difficult to walk barefoot as there are so many places on the bottom of my feet that I still cannot feel. And if I’m on my feet too much they start to throb. But this is such a minor issue in the whole scheme of things.

Otherwise, I have been feeling great and so many wonderful opportunities have been arriving.

I absolutely LOVE my new job as counselor for a middle school. Every morning I look forward to what the day will bring. I never have to do any discipline with the students. Years ago I developed my own personal mission statement of what I felt was my main purpose in life. “To motivate and inspire others to reach their highest potential”. I get to live that mission each and every day now. I come home with a full heart every night. I am doing what I was meant to do.

One of the teachers at my school is in a band and when she heard that I used to play music professionally, she asked me to join her band. Such an exciting opportunity! Again, I don’t have to do any of the stuff I didn’t like before, like booking the band, dealing with the club owners, or having to “talk” with band members. I get to just show up, sing, and play bass. And that leads me to another awesome journey. I met an incredible bass player and asked her if she would consider teaching. She agreed and I have my first real bass lesson this Thursday night. I’m so excited! I had played bass for years but never had a lesson. Now I will be able to play and really know the instrument. Great stuff!

The new band is coming over to the ShanDar Saloon on Saturday evening to jam and just get to know each other. I’m really looking forward to that.

I have thirteen quilt tops waiting to be quilted. Guess I’d better stop piecing and get to quilting. Some of them are Christmas presents, so I’d better get going! :)

I have only one more interview to do and then I am done with that phase of my dissertation. I’m currently transcribing the interviews I have done and when that is completed I can focus on the coding and then writing the final two chapters. I can see the light at the end of the Ph.D. tunnel! I plan to spend most of the 3 week Winter Break, completing the first draft so I can get it to my committee by mid-January. I seem to be running the course for that goal.

I still want to work on eating healthier, exercising, and a regular meditation practice. I start and stop with these. It seems so easy to slip back into old habits that are not conducive to health. Even if I can do one of these things each day, I will be doing myself a favor.

One of the many lessons I learned from having had cancer is to be mindful of each commitment I make. My intention is to limit activities that do not bring me joy. And also to keep my commitments manageable. It is so easy for me to over commit to too many activities. Right now I have the Ph.D., quilting, singing, and relearning to play bass. I am not adding anything else to this list for now. When the Ph.D. is completed, I can replace that with something else if I choose. As tempting as it is to volunteer for a position at my quilt guild or at my school site, I am being very mindful of keeping my hand down. My mentor, who is now also the chair of my Ph.D. committee, passed on some sage advice. Whenever faced with a decision, the question to ask is “what do I love and what do I love more?” I think of that lesson each and every day. It seems to be an essential question for me.
That is all for now. I’ll try to update this blog every couple of weeks.

Big hugs to each and every one of you!
Dar