I have been feeling really good this past week. No pain and the fatigue is not so bad. It has been so nice to feel good. Since having had this health experience over the past 8 months, I really appreciate each and every day that I feel good. I never take it for granted anymore. I notice that it is easier and easier to recognize what is really important and what things I can let go.
I’m finding that so many things I thought were important such as over committing myself to different projects, deadlines, and overly high expectations of what I “should” be doing, or “should” have accomplished, are really unnecessary when considering the whole scheme of being. Now that I look back over all of the stress I put myself through to attempt to meet my own unrealistic expectations and those expectations I imagined others’ expecting of me, I find an inner chagrined smile. It was all a losing and futile game. I now have only two goals. One is to be completely healthy and the other is to finish my Ph.D. program. I plan to curtail all other activities to meet those goals. Over the summer I plan to spend time playing with quilting projects, enjoy time with friends and family, and healing. Starting in August, the focus will be on my research study and writing the dissertation. I have been released by my doctor to go back to work when school resumes on August 17. But I will be going back to work with a completely different perspective. I will be mindfully practicing letting go of expectations and outcomes at work. Hopefully that will allow me to concentrate and focus my energy on my research and continued healing to complete my two goals.
I plan to enjoy each and every day this week feeling good. I have chemo on Friday so next week I will deal with the side effects of the treatment. But today is a good day and I plan to be productive while honoring my body’s need for rest.
I know that much of my healing is a result of all of your positive thoughts and prayers. Thank you all!
Hugs,
Dar
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